Author:
Marcus A. Turner
According to data from the "U.S. Census Bureau's American Community Survey for 2008-2012 show that nearly nine out of 10 white and Asian/ Pacific Islander women had ever been married by their early 40s, as had more than eight in 10 Hispanic women and more than three-quarters of American Indian/Native Alaskan women. Yet fewer than two-thirds of black women reported having married at least once by the same age. In addition to later age at first marriage and lower proportions ever marrying, black women also have relatively high rates of marital instability. At nearly every age, divorce rates are higher for black than for white women, and they are generally lowest among Asian and foreign-born Hispanic women. Recent demographic projections suggest that these racial and ethnic gaps in marriage and marital dissolution will continue growing...
In their highly influential 1987 book The Truly Disadvantaged, sociologists William Julius Wilson and Kathryn Neckerman hypothesized that black women's low marriage rates in the 1970s and 1980s were due to a deficit of marriageable men. An enormous decline in unskilled manufacturing jobs during the 1970s and 1980s hit black men particularly hard. The black-white unemployment gap grew rapidly, and by 1985 unemployment rates for black men aged 25–54 were two times higher than for white men in the same age range. Among men aged 16–24 the racial disparity was even greater, with the unemployment rate for black men three times that of white men. Black men were also much more likely to die or be incarcerated, and this (combined with low rates of interracial marriage) depressed the number of men available for black women to marry. Unemployment rates for black men continue to be much higher than for white men, and black men's rates of incarceration have increased dramatically since 1980, suggesting that these factors are still relevant today. Indeed, in the early 2000s, more than one-third of young black men who hadn't attended college were incarcerated, and nearly twice as many black men under age 40 had a prison record than a bachelor's degree. Overall, black men are seven times more likely than white men to be incarcerated...Yet men's demographic availability, unemployment, and low earnings don't completely explain black-white differences in marriage.
Moreover, black marriage rates fell at the same time that racial discrimination was declining, and black men's wages were growing. Between 1960 and 1980, employed blacks saw real increases in wages relative to whites, partly due to increases in their educational attainment and partly because returns to education also increased. During this time, the proportion of blacks who were in the middle class (defined as between 200 and 499 percent of the federal poverty line) increased substantially."
Though I believe many of these things written above are true. I also know that this is merely a part of the story and requires a different perspective. Ultimately, any trajectory we are on, can and will be changed. I believe in the benefits of data. However, if the sociologist's data were an absolute, then I wouldn't be sitting here. If you look at the journey of the black man in America, it is clearly a miracle that any of us has made it to this point. I believe in America, and I believe more in the resiliency of my people, but most of all, I believe in God. All things are possible to him that believes. I am hopeful, but I know hope is a sensitive thing. Hope deferred causes the heart to grow sick. Frederick Douglass noted: “I prayed for freedom for twenty years, but received no answer until I prayed with my legs.” Therefore, we must be sure that our hope is placed in the right place. I believe we all have learned that hoping that another man will change is futile. I set my hope in God that he will give me the passion, mercy, grace, wisdom, knowledge, and understanding to free myself from my own confines. My people perish due to a lack of knowledge. I also know that when one doesn't understand the purpose of a thing, then abuse is inevitable. Therefore, we must first look within before we look outside ourselves to understand any of our challenges.
According to the Bible, in the beginning, God created heaven and earth, after he completed creating all the animals that inhabited the earth. He took special care in creating the prize of life and the apple of his eye. He created humanity. Noted in Genesis 1:26-30: "Then God said, "Let Us (Father, Son, Holy Spirit) make man in Our image, according to Our likeness [not physical, but a spiritual personality and moral likeness]; and let them have complete authority over the fish of the sea, the birds of the air, the cattle, and over the entire earth, and over everything that creeps and crawls on the earth." So God created man in His own image, in the image and likeness of God He created him; male and female He created them. And God blessed them [granting them certain authority] and said to them, ""Be fruitful, multiply, and fill the earth, and subjugate it [putting it under your power]; and rule over (dominate) the fish of the sea, the birds of the air, and every living thing that moves upon the earth. So God said, "Behold, I have given you every plant yielding seed that is on the surface of the entire earth, and every tree which has fruit yielding seed; it shall be food for you, and to all the animals on the earth and every bird of the air and to everything that moves on the ground—to everything in which there is the breath of life— I have given every green plant for food"; and it was so [because He commanded it]. "God saw everything that He had made, and behold, it was excellent, and He validated it completely. And there was evening, and there was morning, the sixth day. Once He created humankind, he gave them dominion and seed and the assignment to go and multiply, No big I(s) and little you(s), no color discussion of race or culture, just humanity emanating from the one. Now, the Bible gives more details on the creation of man, in Genesis 2:7-8 AMP: "Then the LORD God formed [that is, created the body of] man from the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and the man became a living being [an individual complete in body and spirit]. And the LORD God planted a garden (oasis) in the east, in Eden (delight, land of happiness), and He put the man whom He had formed (created) there."
Everything that God created has a natural habitat, whether we are talking about birds (the air) or the fish (water) or the lion (grasslands) or humanity (the garden). Where is the garden? A man's natural habitat is to live and operate in God's presence. A fish will begin to die outside of water, so will man outside of God's presence. He also gave the man another assignment (job), and that was to upkeep the garden. God is a God of order and purpose. Women don't be afraid to ask a man, What is your assignment? Or, Why are you on earth? Because before God gave him you, God gave him something to do other than multiplying. So, don't be surprised when you connect with a man who doesn't know why he is here, that he seems to concentrate more on sowing his seeds. Remember, the two most essential moments of one's life are the day they were born, and the day they find out why. A man who hasn't figured out why, is not evil, and he is not exactly the devil. However, he is a predator, much like the roaring lion. Going to and fro seeking whom he can devour. I know this sounds horrible; however, this is part of his development. It is paramount that a man understands how to pursue the things that he desire. There was a lion that was found injured in the wild, and the lion was rescued and nursed back to health. His recovery took nearly two years, they later took this lion back to the wild. In a little over a year he was dead. Not because an animal or someone else killed him, he starved to death. He had become accustomed to being fed and somehow he lost his ability to hunt effectively. No woman wants a man that can't hunt or a man that no one else wants. In the next stage of development, he will figure out that he needs to be more than a roaming hunter, that he needs his own land, home, and companion. He will realize that he must build and provide safety and protection for his companion and his offspring. To give his energy to anything that doesn't allow him to build and develop is futile. In his third stage of development, he realizes that his physical strength is fading. However, his wisdom, knowledge, and understanding are stronger than they have ever been. He gets to oversee, plan, strategize, evaluate, and develop those that will come after him. Because he is now legacy building, ensuring that he leaves unspeakable wealth to his children's children.
Back to the story, in Genesis 2:18: "Now the LORD God said, "It is not good (beneficial) for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper [one who balances him—a counterpart who is] suitable and complementary for him." Genesis 2:20-25 AMP: "But for Adam, there was not found a helper [that was] suitable (a companion) for him. So the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and while he slept, He took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh at that place. And the rib which the LORD God had taken from the man He made (fashioned, formed) into a woman, and He brought her and presented her to the man. For this reason, a man shall leave his father and his mother and shall be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed or embarrassed."
In this, we see the uniqueness of a woman, her majesty, and power. The Bible said that God formed all animals and man from the dirt. However, for the woman, he didn't go back to the ground. God went into the man and pulled from him a part of himself, and it says that God formed and fashioned her. He took great pains in her creation. She is no stronger or weaker than I am; she is me, and I am her, and we are one. The Bible goes on to say that he presented her to the man. No one else in creation was presented. God like a proud father would say, Son, I have something that I know you will like, that will blow your mind, and presented her to Adam. We know from the above passage that a husband and wife should be able to be naked before each other—an absence of pretenses and agendas, pure love, and no secrets or manipulations. The two become one, and the act of sexual intercourse symbolizes a man rejoining himself, regaining the rib that was lost, in essence returning to personal wholeness. We are the bride of Christ, and through redemption, we are returning to our oneness with God.
The virtual woman that Proverbs 31 speaks of is an asset and is never a liability. A woman is fully equipped, designed to assist, and able and willing to do whatever is necessary. She can lead, she can follow, but most of all, she has become my soil a place to sow my spiritual seed. As with all other soil, you must take care of it, because if you do, the ground will provide proper seed nourishment. Generally speaking, women are multipliers. Whatever you give her, she multiplies it and gives it back to you. If you give her one word, she will give you back one hundred words. You give her groceries; she will provide you with a meal. You give her a house, and she will provide you a home. You give her your seed, and she gives you a child. You give her frustration, and she will give you hell. As the Bible says, it's better to dwell on the rooftop than it is to stay in a house with a contentious woman. If you give her a plan, she can show you how to implement it. When we say she is nagging, often she is reminding you of something you promised. God told us to hold Him to His word by reminding Him of what He has promised. She is truly a gift from God. I can't imagine Adam's shock and awe and gratefulness to have an extension of himself, more beautiful and sensual, that multiplies his effectiveness and arouses him physically, as well as stimulates him intellectually.
I know for sure there is no finer, more beautiful, more suitable, more adept creation than a woman; there is nothing that ranks as high and as glorious as you. You are the apple of my eye and the recipient of my adoration. From the time I saw my mom's face, there was nothing more loving and kind that could exist, the way she loves me, cared for, and nurtured me. I am forever grateful to the Creator who bestowed such a blessing on me. But God didn't stop. Once I became a man, he presented me with my very own gift, my wife. The way you have loved and cared for me is second to none, and for that, I am also grateful. God was right; it is not good for man to be alone or all one. I know that I don't deserve all the love women have given me, from aunts, sisters, cousins, teachers, friends, and, most of all, my mother and my wife. I am a better man because you live, you are more than help, but you are the reason for life on this planet. Where would we all be without you? Fellows, it is paramount that we begin to build our families stronger than they have ever been. And we cannot do it without God's original gift to humanity, the woman. I know you love them, but let's honor, respect, and nurture them. Let's not run away from marriage, but let's prepare to be good husbands, fathers, and leaders, and pursue it. There is a Queen that is patiently waiting on her King to arrive. Our future depends on it.
Ladies, for this reason, I wanted you to know that many of us see your value, and we will do a better job of covering you because you are priceless and irreplaceable. Many of us are like the Prodigal son, running away from our divine purpose. Many more of us have never known or seen the love of our fathers, so please be patient. The devil has meant it for evil, but God has allowed it for good. However, mothers don't baby the man child, force him to stand on his own two feet, because someday he will have to cover some Queen, and father a Prince and a Princess. You are the key to the renewing and the regeneration of the black family. The heart of the family is the mother because, without her, there is no family. The family is the nucleus of civilization. Therefore, don't you run away from marriage; this is an institution ordained by God. In life, there will be challenges, but if we focus and believe, we can overcome it. Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but God delivers them out of them all. Have A Limitless Day!
